Love in Unlikely Places
by Adenosine Triphosphate
Summary: Have you ever wondered if Voldemort could ever love the Hungarian Horntail? Or if Dobby and the Whopping Willow will ever work our? Then, you ought to read this fic, because we'll take your weird love ideas and turn them into reality.


Kalie convinced me to write a bunch of weird pairing Harry Potter fics, based on the suggestions from the boards of **Dumbledore's Army**, a Casso (Canine Association) on the site Furry Paws. Ya'll should join Furry Paws if you like to train virtual dogs and draw tags with paint. It's a fun game assure you, but **MOST IMPORTANTLY join Dumbledore's Army if you're a Harry Potter fan!!!!!!!**

Disclaimer: Me no own Harry Potter stories

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August 15, 1997

Dearest, darling Tom,

This may come as a surprise, but I am no longer a bachelor. Yes, I'm serious. I've finally found **THE ONE**.

You must be surprised that I would be so quick to get hitched, Tom. It's been three months since we had our last heart-to-heart, but three months can change the world.

This splendiferous creature became my lawfully wedded wife this very morning before my army of loyal Death Eaters. Yes, Bella was sobbing her eyes out, but after the reception, I saw her leave with the equally watery-eyed ex-mate of my beloved Chidy (It's short for Echidna and pronounced Kiddy, by the way) so I am sure she must be receiving some form of comfort.

Now, I must tell you about Chidy. She is the second most fabulous creature I have ever laid eyes upon (The first being myself, of course). The moment our eyes met I knew she would be the perfect queen for our future empire of evil.

You remember how three months ago I told you that I was go to Hungary for some personal space, right (Being an ultra-evil villain is so much work, and there's no place better for an uber malevolent wizard like me to kick back and relax than Hungary)? So there I was in Hungary…grooving to the beat of the Weird Sisters, shopping for the latest tools of dark magic, enjoying nature hikes in the silent woods (punctuated by the occasional roars of dragons), and just doing other evil wizard things.

The day that I met Chidy will remain engrained my memory permanently. I was taking a nice little sojourn by myself through the worlds, just enjoying being my fabulous self, when I suddenly heard a roar. It was a most splendid roar, a roar beyond compare. I was intrigued and so I decided to investigate. And then, I saw her.

She was attacking this village of foolish muggle-huggers; roaring so loudly that the dirty little blood traitors wet themselves with fright. A couple of houses were burning, and some dead or unconscious bodies are lying around. The entire village was a beautiful mess I tell you. I think it was love at first site.

I watched her completely demolish that dinky village of losers. But before she left I addressed her with my best Draconian: "Oh, fair beast, thy art hast me entranced. Wilst thou not dine with me?"

She replied, "Wizard Man, dost thou have fresh goat?"

Seeing that she was willing, I replied quickly: " Why yes! Whatever thy heart desires, fair lady beast!"

So speaking, we left the wreckage of that village together to enjoy a lovely romantic dinner of freshly skinned goat with pumpkin juice (and warm goat blood for the lady). I believe that it was during this dinner that she and I truly bonded.

As we ate, I asked her why she had chosen to destroy that particular village. She told me that muggle-hugging village had been celebrating the date that of their darling Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord. I was surprised (and annoyed; I mean that brat didn't defeat me: he was a frickin' baby, for the Dark Lord's sake, and babies can't do magic); why would a lady dragon like herself have a vendetta against the Boy Who Lived, I asked? Then, she revealed to me that she herself had an unpleasant encounter with that Potter boy two years ago, at that Triwizard Tournament. That stupid boy had foolishly humiliated the love of my life by stealing the golden egg she was guarding from right between her very talons. Oh, how I would love to revenge my sweet Chidy.

After she returned to Hungary, the other Hungarian Horntails had ostracized her for her defeat at the hands of that boy; her mate had left her for another dragoness too. As she described this dark and depressing time of her life, I felt my heart bleed for her pain, and I felt tears trickle down my face (I didn't even know I could cry!) as I remembered the pains of being an outcast from my own childhood. Oh, cold hearted world why do you turn against us!

Chidy and I soon began going steady. We regularly met each other for dinner (always freshly-skinned goat) and compared notes on evil plots, schemes, and fantasies. I tell you, Tom, that lady has class!

We were divulging our fantasies on the demise of Harry Potter. I, of course, suggested killing all his friends, family, and allies first, and then kidnapping and torturing him with the Cruciatus Curse until he begs for sweet death. But Chidy had a better plan: she suggested that, after we kidnap him, we should fillet him and feed his remains to our future army of basilisks. Isn't it such a brilliant idea? And so fabulous as well? I'm telling you, Tom; this girl's got style.

After that conversation, I just knew we had to get married! I mean we have so much in common! So look where we at now: hitched (and we're hoping to have our first clutch of eggs by the beginning of next year; I'm going to be a dragon daddy!!!)!

Sorry, Tom! I've got to go. Chidy is calling me to bed. See you tomorrow!

Yours truly,

The Most Dark and Powerful Wizard,

The Seriously Evil and Wicked Lord,

Voldemort

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Did you like it?

Cause if you did, please review and tell me what you enjoyed.

Did you hate it?

Then, please review and flame me like hell cause I heard it'll help cleanse your soul.


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